I'm taking an extended social media break.

On being off of social media, growing up without TV and honoring what's no longer working.

What I remember most about my childhood (apart from you know childhood trauma & being an undiagnosed autistic kid) was so much spaciousness and quiet. Of roaming the woods near my house and creating forts. Of reading book after book, of playing make believe games, daydreaming and lining up my precious stuffed animals. Of collecting horse figurines, feeling the air on my skin and writing stories in notebook after notebook. My mother didn’t let my brother and me watch TV at home and I’m honestly so grateful for it-even though as a kid I probably sometimes yearned to do the same things that my peers did.

I’m sharing this because back then there was a simplicity to life and honestly I’ve been noticing how much I miss it. I’ve spent the last 3 years posting regularly on social media and it has both been really good for me and also really NOT good. Social media has been really supportive in the sense that:

• I found community after coming out later in life. Seeing others who were also coming out later in life (plus finding my way onto #lesbiantiktok) was so healing and validating.

• Social media felt like a soothing balm when I realized I was autistic later in life. I learned tips, education and also accessed an amazing neurodivergent community.

• On a very practice note: I grew my business brand and nearly all of my clients have come from social media (the majority from TikTok.) I’ve been so grateful for being able to work with such amazing clients all thanks to social media. It’s also been really lovely to see the impact I’ve had when followers message me and share how my content has helped them. Plus Fletcher liked one of my TikToks once and that was pretty cool.

But social media is also really not good for me in a lot of very real ways. A few ways that social media is harmful to me are:

• It is sensory overstimulating for me-specifically I find social media incredibly visually overstimulating. It is really common for me to get sensory overloaded after being on social media.

• Social media does not support my autistic needs. I personally find groups incredibly disabling for me and social media to me feels like I’m in the middle of a huge and noisy crowd-which is incredibly overwhelming. Even after just posting a simple “Hey, I’m taking a break from social media-here’s how to connect with me off of social media” on Instagram I now feel incredibly overwhelmed.

• Social media feels too social for me. It has taken a lot of unmasking to realize that I actually struggle with communication and I frequently find that socializing on social media (such as responding to comments, answering messages, trying to decipher non literal language) is confusing and uses up too many spoons.

• While I enjoy making content, I don’t particularly enjoy that there’s not a lot of space for depth on social media content (specifically on Instagram and TikTok.) To me this feels like small talk versus conversations with depth-I truly desire to make content with more spaciousness and depth.

• Social media does not support my autistic wellness, it’s disabling and sucks away my spoons-which means that I don’t have as much capacity to do things that I really enjoy.

For the past months I have been attempting to be largely off of social media. I would create posts, log onto Instagram and post the content and then delete the app again. But I still noticed that I was still engaging in something that I specifically knew made me unwell. Which honestly didn’t feel in integrity for me when I work with my clients specifically on making their lives accessible and honoring their autistic needs. So while in my last newsletter I announced I was taking a break from Instagram what I’m desiring now is to explore a new relationship to social media aka simply not being on it. Which is why I’ve decided to take 6 months off of social media (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok) and explore marketing my business in offline ways.

Perhaps it’s because I’m living in the middle of the woods but I’m deeply desiring a different type of pace & connections. After the last three years of so many transitions, so much burnout and sensory overload-I am truly craving such a slow pace. I love writing blogs while staring into the woods, having one on one connections with my autistic friends where we discuss books we’ve both read (we call it our own private book club), cooking hearty soups, going on long walks in this brisk November air, reading so many books. I’m looking forward to snowshoeing this winter, to playing in the snow and to having many many solo living room dance parties-and I’m excited to share absolutely none of these things on social media. It feels so beautiful to be fully present in whatever I’m doing, without thinking about using it to make content.

A sensory break with Bella, she likes to have her head against mine and a paw on me. I’m pretty sure she thinks my pillow as “our pillow.”

I’m sharing this because I believe that it’s powerful when we stop doing things that are no longer working. I know there’s been many moments in my life when I’ve chosen to stop doing a thing because it wasn’t working or wasn’t the right fit. It can feel risky to stop doing something especially if there are very good reasons to continue doing it. Maybe that’s leaving a relationship that’s almost the right fit but something big actually feels off (oof, I’ve been there.) Or stopping doing something because the cost is simply too high. I sometimes think about how it doesn’t make sense for me to stop being on social media. There’s a part of me that wonders if this is a really BAD move considering that almost all of my clients find me on social media. There’s a voice inside of me that wants me to push through, to sacrifice my spoons so I can continue creating content on social media. But I gently remind myself that I get to come first, that my autistic wellness and health get to come first. That it’s actually really important to explore how I can market my business in ways that are accessible and supportive for my autistic self.

So if you’re making important changes in your life, if you’re saying no to things, people or situations that aren’t supportive or trying a new way of being-I hope you know how brave that is. I always feel so moved when people identify and honor what isn’t working and then begin to do things in a different way. If it feels scary to think about making a big change, for the love of all things trauma informed: start small! Perhaps ask yourself: “what would make (insert issue here) 2% easier?” or “what’s the smallest doable step I might take?”

As a Taylor Swift fan I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how we have different eras. Like when I came out as a lesbian 3+ years ago I identified as high femme, wore all these vintage dresses and was a very thirsty baby gay on the internet. But honestly I love that for me! It was the right season for that and honestly I had so much fun! I’m still exploring what my current era is but perhaps something like “Slow Country Living”? In case you’re curious, my current outfit of choice is: glasses, henley, Carhartt hoodie and leggings tucked into rainbow pride socks with hiking boots. It’s a look! Feel free to share in the comments what your current era or season is-I’d love to know :)

The Queer Autistic Blog:

I had so much fun writing my latest post called We Deserve Autistic Affirming Love Stories. I often work with my private clients on making their relationship(s) autistic affirming and accessible and often a great starting point is finding representation of autistic affirming love and romance. Enter autistic romance novels! Head to the post to learn about why autistic affirming romances are so healing and 6 books I recommend!

Business Updates:

If you’re seeking private support in the areas of neurodivergence and queer & autistic affirming trauma resolution-I’d love to support you this fall/winter! Here are ways you can work with me:

• My 6 month private coaching program The Autistic Mentorship is an amazing fit for you if you’re seeking personalized and attuned support as a late identified autistic/AuDHDer and autistic centered trauma resolution. It’s a beautiful mixture of practical neurodivergent support, somatic trauma resolution and so much attuned support. You can find out more information here.

• Support Sessions! These Support Sessions are 75 minute audio phone call sessions and cost $150 USD. These sessions are great for practical support, queer & autistic life coaching and are not a good fit for someone who’s wanting more in depth support on trauma resolution. They include a recap email with optional practices and resources mentioned on our call. Find out more here.

Not interested in coaching but know someone who might be a good fit? I love and appreciate referrals! If you’ve worked with me in the past you can also contact me if you’d like to share a testimonial about the work we did together. Testimonials are a fantastic way for future clients to learn about this type of work :)

On My Bookshelf {digital & print}:

Here are some things I’ve either been reading or are my “to read” list:

• Last newsletter I talked about how excited I was to read Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date and it was so good! Things I loved about it were: anxiety representation, how sex positive it was, how kind the main characters were to each other-and of course being able to see the characters from the previous novels in this series.

• “Hero Journalists” by Kira Deshler (or Paging Dr. Lesbian) is a really important read on the local journalists on the ground in Gaza. It also includes some important links on how you can call Congress to demand a ceasefire.

• I really enjoyed this newsletter post on quitting Instagram by Marlee Grace.

• I am reading Shark by Paul De Gelder because I am fascinated by a man who got attacked by a shark and has then spent his life advocating for them. I’m really enjoying this book and I recommend it if you’re fascinated by sharks or have consumed a lot of shark attack movies and want to learn more about sharks.

The Playlist I’m Stim Dancing To:

I made this Autistic Stim Dancing Party playlist with great 8D audio songs that I personally think are great for stim dance living room dance parties :) Make sure to listen to with your headphones on!

I am wishing you a wonderful Sunday and a lovely start to your week! Thank you for being here! I appreciate you :)

Big love,

Tiffany