Can I just be gentle with this?

On anxiety and the gentle power of listening to our bodies.

Getting to know my anxiety.

I’m in my therapy session talking with my therapist about my anxiety when she invites me to lay a hand over my heart, gently rock and bring some presence to it. I place a gentle hand over my hand and begin to notice the sensations of rocking and the stability of my feet on my floor. I name out loud the pressure in my chest and throat and then automatically whisper gently comforting words to the anxiety:

I promise you we’re going to be okay.

You’re allowed to be here.

You make so much sense.

After five or so minutes I reflect to my therapist that I feel grounded and that my anxiety has eased a lot. But then I burst out laughing “I know these things! What you guided me to do is exactly what I would say when coaching a client. Why don’t I do this more often?” She kindly reminds me that as practitioners sometimes we have the medicine (aka tools and knowledge) and need to remind ourselves to do these things. The truth is that my relationship to anxiety feels both new and ancient. Last year I got diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it felt both so tender and also affirming. Getting the diagnosis reminded me of how tender and affirming getting my late dual diagnosis of Autism and ADHD felt. Looking back I can remember all of the big emotions of excitement, relief to finally have a name for my experiences, grief, overwhelm and tenderness. I dived headfirst into learning about Autism and ADHD, both because of a newly awakened special interest in neurodivergence but also so I could learn how to better support my AuDHDer self.

But I’ve been slower to tend to my anxiety and get to know it. My Autistic brain who deeply loves analyzing the shit out of things really wants to understand my anxiety and verbally process it. But I’ve found the most supportive thing I can do is to actually lead with my body instead of my head. To put aside the desire to “understand” why I’m anxious and to instead use the steady somatic tools I know and trust. To lean towards it, to place a hand on my body and to approach it with kindness and care. To call in support, whether that’s the trees outside my window, the steadiness of the ground beneath my feet or a trusted weighted plushie.

Can I trust the season I’m in?

In the past four years since moving back to the U.S. I’ve changed a lot. It’s so interesting to look back and see the different seasons I’ve been in and all the ways I’ve continued to come home to myself. I’m seeing this specifically as I’ve been engaging with dating apps and really having a challenging time with them. But today I reached out to a few neurodivergent friends¹ to share some dating app related experiences and I realized that I needed a break. When I check in my with body I can name: this doesn’t feel good and I don’t want to do this right now. I’ve previously written about the power in identifying and naming what doesn’t work, what you’re a no to and what isn’t supportive. The reality is that we have different seasons where specific activities, pacing and rhythms feel supportive and other seasons where these same things just aren’t a right fit. While I’ve been feeling the desire of wanting romantic connections the reality is that my current season wants to focus on other things. I’m currently getting ready for an advanced somatic trauma resolution training that I’ll start in January-and I’m wanting space to fully be in that immersive experience.

Just like animals change their rhythms, behaviors and needs in different seasons, it can be helpful for us humans to honor the different seasons too. Sometimes it looks like checking in with your body and asking yourself:

What am I desiring in this current season?

What rhythms would feel supportive and nourishing right now?

What do I want more of? What do I want less of?

I also think it can be so supportive to approach new seasons with a sense of curiosity and exploration. It’s okay to try something out and then realize that you need to make a shift, go back to something you used to do or try something new. What would it look like if you gave yourself permission to explore?

What layers of support do I need for my well being?

Earlier this week I was about to get in the car to head into the closest city to go to a medical appointment and do some errands. I notice that I feel kind of rumbles of a meltdown…like an autistic meltdown could be on the horizon if I don’t pay attention to what I need. I knew that in an ideal world I simply wouldn’t go to the medical appointment but I really didn’t want to cancel. So I climbed into the car with a bright green weighted plushie that I wrapped around me². I’m sharing this because when I was a very newly late diagnosed AuDHDer I felt so embarrassed to do things like use stuffed animals to comfort me or walk around in headphones. So I needed to do things one small step at a time, such as:

• first wearing headphones around my then apartment.

• wearing them while out on a walk but taking them off in a grocery store (I shudder at this memory.)

• Wearing them in a grocery store but taking them off when checking out.

When we’re doing something new or that feels challenging it can be helpful to ask ourselves: “What would be the right pacing?” and “what’s the smallest doable step?” This is a way we can be gentle with ourselves and work with our sensitive nervous systems. After all, we deserve kindness and care.

Sweet little update corner:

• I took a temporary break from making content to focus on making a new website. She’s a labor of love and a reminder to never ever transfer 40+ blogs to a new website template. Not a fun way to spend my weekends and evenings! You can check out my new website here: https://www.tiffany-landry.com

• I love my private coaching practice and I’d love to enroll a few more clients while there’s still space! The Autistic Mentorship is a 5 month private coaching program where I support late identified Autistic and AuDHDer clients with autistic life coaching and somatic trauma resolution. Would this type of care be a supportive next step for you? You can learn more here and also look at what the program includes. Happy to answer any questions you might have. This offer has a sliding fee scale to make it more accessible to folks.

• The holidays snuck up on me but I am pretty ready! Last yearI wrote about my Christmas shutdown and I am determined for this year to be more accessible for me. So I’ll be celebrating Christmas one on one and making sure to support myself by taking sensory and rest breaks.

• I’ve been delighting in moving my body through things like dance, pilates and weightlifting. Working out is a family activity in this house (my cats “help” me.)

Thank you for reading!

I appreciate you being here! As we head towards the holiday season I hope you’re taking care of yourself, eating nourishing food and giving yourself extra care. You deserve all the good and nourishing things!

Sending care,

Tiffany

P.S. If you’re reading this and wondering “wait, when did I subscribe to this?” You might have subscribed via my website and it’s just taken a bit for me to manually add you to this list. If you believe you were subscribed by accident or don’t remember subscribing-please accept my apologies and feel free to hit the unsubscribe button.

Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation.

1. So grateful for my lovely friends who offer reflections and the sweetest support <3

2. I am such a big fan of Moon Pals. Not an affiliate but I absolutely love them and they are a big part of my autistic wellness. I mostly use them when recovering from a shutdown or meltdown.