Is burnout recovery possible?
On burnout recovery, loss of skills and a new way of being.
Dear lovely reader, today’s post includes some shares on autistic burnout recovery, loss of skills and how I’ve changed post burnout and a later in life autism diagnosis. While this newsletter post is based on my own experiences as a late diagnosed autistic, I was inspired to write about it after reading Devon Price’s article You Might Not Recover from Burnout. Ever which I highly recommend reading. If the topics of this post feel tender for you or bring up challenging emotions, please be gentle with yourself and give yourself the care you need (including skipping this post or reading it later.) Big love, Tiffany
I remember the first time I read that autistic burnout could last anywhere from months to actual years. I gulped hard because at the time the thought of being years in autistic burnout felt pretty damn depressing. Like many other late diagnosed autistics I had realized that I was autistic as I was in autistic burnout. Looking back I can trace the origins of my autistic burnout through both years of having my autistic needs gone unmet, pushing myself to meet neuronormative standards and that intensive Zoom retreat that I was a part of that pushed me straight into burnout. As I was battling intense fatigue and dealing with loss of skills, I was also coming to terms that I might actually be autistic. As I kept telling myself “I can’t possibly be autistic, right?”, I was dealing with the reality that everything felt so hard. I am forever grateful to my loving mother who dropped off pre-cooked meals from the supermarket and later treated me to a few months of a prepared meal service. While she had no knowledge on autistic burnout, I think she really heard me when I shared that I was simply too exhausted to cook or buy groceries.
It’s been years since that first severe burnout episode and the good news is that I have recovered from it1. It took time, exploring the exact care I needed, as well as both big and small life changes. I’ve recovered from it in the sense that I’m not in autistic burnout but I don’t believe that I’m the same person that I was pre-burnout. Whether it’s due to unmasking or losing skills during my time cycling in and out of autistic burnout, there is a very clear difference between who I was pre-burnout and who I am today. Before I was in autistic burnout I had done things that would simply be inaccessible and feel horrible to me today, such as: live abroad in different cities in Spain, work in a classroom, be in groups, go on dates without wearing headphones, be on dating apps without getting overwhelmed, travel2. I do believe that it is possible to recover from autistic burnout and I also think autistic burnout recovery depends on a variety of factors like:
Support & resources: Do you have the means to take time off of work? Do you have support and financial resources to help with things that you simply can’t do during burnout? Do you have access to autistic affirming support such as a neurodivergent therapist or coach?
Environment: If your environment contains your burnout triggers, I personally believe it will be very difficult to recover from burnout unless you find accommodations & support to make your environment accessible. Environment could include: where you live, your job, your home life, school/university.
Demands: Burnout recovery is going to look very different for a parent who also works outside the home versus me a childfree self employed autistic who works from home. Do you have the ability to reduce demands, to get support for things that aren’t accessible to you during burnout, to do the bare minimum?
After I successfully recovered from my first severe autistic burnout I cycled in and out of autistic burnout for over two years before I made the biggest change of all: moving to the countryside. Looking back I can see that a huge reason I kept cycling in and out of autistic burnout was because I continued be in environments and do things that were actually burnout triggers. I also was very much in the Boom-or-Bust cycle which resulted in me overextending myself and then needing to recover. Living in a city apartment near a busy road meant that I was experiencing chronic sensory pain, which I unfortunately then added to it by using social media to market my business. Trigger on top of trigger! I remember thinking about moving to the country and wondering if I would be really isolated out there. But as I later shared with my therapist: “I’m isolated now! I can’t go outside because if the noise is so horrible INSIDE my apartment, why on earth would I actually go outside where the noise is coming from??” Living in a noisy city meant that I was in survival mode and struggling so much. It often felt like if I wasn’t in active burnout, I was very close to teetering my way on the edge of it. Getting out of autistic burnout honestly involved creating a life that felt supportive and stopping doing things that simply weren’t accessible for me.
Is it a loss of skills or just my unmasked self?
When we talk about autistic burnout you might hear people talk about a loss of skills or “skills regression.” We know that a decline in skills (such as communication, daily self care tasks and executive functioning) is a part of autistic burnout. That could be something like cooking, speaking or self care rituals like washing your face or brushing your teeth. But what happens when you’ve recovered from autistic burnout and find tasks you used to be able to do are still hard or just not possible? I admit that I sometimes find it so confusing to look back at my life pre-burnout and autism diagnosis and think “how the hell did I do that?” But I’ve been coming to the conclusion that perhaps I’m actually framing the question wrong. What feels most interesting is to ask myself: “okay, you used to be able to do that but what was the cost?” I was honestly so high masking that I think I didn’t give myself permission to feel all the ways in which environments, activities and work experiences were taking a very real toll. But by putting on an autistic lens I can see how I’d arrive to the weekend with no spoons left to give, get anxiety over things like phone calls or having to talk to new people, the sensory pain when someone using a leaf blower would startle me out of my sleep straight into sensory overload, how confused I would get when people would use sarcasm or non literal language. Note: I also think putting on an autistic lens when we’re in autistic burnout can be so supportive. Even just reminding yourself that being in burnout actually makes a lot of sense based on the context (for example of being high masking and being in unsupportive environments.)
It feels helpful to frame it like that because I sometimes doubt myself and perform little “experiments” that basically consist of me saying “well, I could do it before so maybe I can do it now?” For example: I know that I used to be able to be in groups and I know post burnout that being in groups sends me into a shutdown. So I sometimes try to experiment to see if being in a group is still inaccessible. This often sends me into a shutdown3 but sometimes it provides valuable information. So I know now that I can be in an online group when people’s mics are turned off, people speak one at a time and there’s a clear structure. But it does take a lot of spoons so it’s not always an accessible option for me. For me a valuable part of my own autistic burnout recovery was getting to know myself, my burnout triggers and using pacing tools to pay attention to my precious spoons. A value I have is to be so kind to myself when I make “mistakes” and find myself in a shutdown or approaching autistic burnout. It’s been 3+ years since my dual autism + ADHD diagnosis and I’m still learning about my neurodivergent needs and the support I need-and that’s okay.
Maybe this is a new way of being?
The truth is that both autistic burnout and a later in life autism diagnosis have changed me. I’m different because I know that I’m autistic, I’ve spent time getting to know my autistic needs, boundaries and my authentic self. But being in autistic burnout has also changed me. I want to name that I don’t look at autistic burnout with a toxic positivity lens of “everything happens for a reason!” I really hate being in autistic burnout, it sucks and it’s disabling as hell. But I can’t deny that autistic burnout recovery has taught me about rest, honoring my capacity, my sensitive neurodivergent nervous system and autistic boundaries4. It also taught me to trust in the small doable steps especially when it feels like nothing is working. Sometimes that looks like doing the bare minimum and taking rest breaks throughout my day. While sometimes the medicine is a weighted plushie on top of me and the sensory bliss of wearing noise cancelling headphones. In 2023 that looked like a short bob haircut so my highly fatigued self could take showers easier. I know that in the years to come I’m going to continue to deepen even more in my understanding of my autistic needs, as well as the care and support that’s kindest for my lovely neurodivergent self.
Getting a later in life autism diagnosis changed my life and gave me the tools, education and support I needed to slowly come home to myself in big and small ways. I am different now and it’s been beautiful, tender and special to get to know who I truly am as I’ve been on an unmasking journey. I flap my hands and rock back and forth. I delight in special interests that might seem “childish” but are fun and comforting for me. I am incredibly sensory avoidant and have a lot of sensory needs and get delight stim dancing in my kitchen. I validate that post burnout I have limited capacity, I need a lot of rest and breaks-and that’s okay! I’m so proud of the autistic business that I own and the ways I’ve made it accessible for me as a low spoons autistic. Communication and socializing can feel challenging but I know my communication needs and how to advocate for them.
Updates & shares:
{Practical Magic Class Update}: I was really looking forward to teaching this class but I ultimately decided that a live group class wouldn’t be kind for my autistic needs right now. If you purchased the class, please make sure you got an email from me about refund/exchange options. If you can’t find it, please check you spam. If you can’t find the email, please write to me at: tiffany@tiffany-landry.com or send me a DM here. Note: I likely will make an evergreen class of my favorite practical autistic tools in the future-which I announce in this newsletter.
I have decided that I’m going to experiment with sending out weekly emails on Thursdays instead of Sundays. Yes, change is hard and I’m curious if this change might be supportive for my own work/life balance.
I am excited to be experimenting with offering a sliding fee tier system for The Autistic Mentorship. If you’ve been curious about working together but it didn’t feel financially accessible, feel free to check out the different tiers according to financial need. The Autistic Mentorship includes 3 sessions a month, an individual coaching map/program and two check-in support calls. This program is specifically designed for late identified autistics and I love it so much! {Head to the above link for more info, read testimonials from past clients and get details on how to apply. Questions? Send me a message.}
“What’s in Your Autistic Toolbox?” is a new blog post I wrote on creating an “autistic toolbox” to support your autistic wellness.
I took last weekend off and it was GLORIOUS. There’s something to be said about spending a full weekend reading, patting cats and not being productive.
Thank you for being here.
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I’ll be taking next week off to rest (I take the last week off of each month to support my autistic wellness) but I hope you have a lovely, restful and enjoyable rest of your week.
Warmly,
Tiffany
Disclaimer: The information contained in this post is for general educational and informational purposes only and should not be construed as medical or mental health advice. The information provided is not a substitute for advice from a qualified professional who is aware of the facts and circumstances of your individual situation.
In the spirit of transparency I will say that I am currently in that pre-burnout land. I think of pre-burnout as beginning to notice signs that you might slide into burnout if you don’t honor your spoons, do less, get the rest you need, make important changes. Rest assured, I am getting the care I need <3
Please note: these things are inaccessible to ME post burnout but they might be things that you find accessible. Autism includes a variety of support and accessibility needs.
For me personally I find groups send me into a shutdown because the combination of two people talking at once feels very sensory overloading as well as socially just too much.
When talking about autistic burnout it’s so important to talk about it with nuance. I have learned a lot in the process of recovering from autistic burnout AND experiencing burnout has changed my capacity in very real ways. I budget a maximum of two activities a day (such as seeing two clients a day) and make sure that I have no demands on days when I have to go to the nearby city for errands. Some activities that require a lot of sensory or social spoons require a lot of time to recover from. I want to also name that I’ve also been incredibly lucky to work from home in an autistic affirming business that’s accessible to my needs, as well as a sensory safe home in the rural countryside to live in.
Not for me :(