"Congratulations! You're Autistic!"
On celebrating my three year Autism diagnosis anniversary.
Dearest reader, I’m looking forward to sharing this piece with you. In today’s newsletter I’m going to be sharing some reflections as I get ready to celebrate my three year autism diagnosis this coming Monday. I want to specifically name that while I chose to pursue a medical diagnosis that I am also pro self diagnosis and self identification. While there are reasons one might decide to seek a medical diagnosis, there are also specific disadvantages and barriers to getting a medical diagnosis. I do talk briefly about post diagnosis grief, if that is a tender topic for you-please take care of yourself and skip this newsletter if needed. Whether you have a medical diagnosis or are self diagnosed, I hope you celebrate your neurodivergence in ways that feel supportive and loving. Thank you for being here-Tiffany
Can I celebrate the bigness of this?
This Monday (tomorrow!!) I celebrate my three year Autism Diagnosis Anniversary. I make a big deal out of it because it is a big deal. It’s not so much that getting a medical autism diagnosis (as well as ADHD + depression) diagnosis was the big thing but that realizing that I’m an AuDHDer changed my damn life. When I celebrate my diagnosis anniversary what I’m really celebrating is my loving relationship to my neurodivergence and all the big and small ways I’ve slowly and steadily come home to my autistic self, needs and joy. To me that is so worthy of celebrating both on my official diagnosis anniversary but also every day.
On my first autism anniversary I bought myself a fancy cake and binge watched A League of My Own TV series (cake + queer representation made me a very happy queer autistic!) The second year I ate yummy food and opened presents from a loved one1. This year I’ll be eating chocolate pie and probably doing things that feel delightful to my autistic self. But I want to name that I celebrate being Autistic every time I tend to my autistic needs, make space for autistic joy and all the ways I’ve crafted an autistic affirming life. But I’ll be honest: there is a big difference in my relationship to my neurodivergence when I was recently diagnosed and three years post diagnosis.
Getting an autism diagnosis felt so tender.
By the time I received my autism diagnosis I had been self diagnosing for six months. Like many other late diagnosed autistics, autism and neurodivergence had quickly become a special interest of mine. I was spending a lot of my time learning about autism and neurodivergence, I was working with an autistic coach and was taking steps in making my life more autistic accessible and affirming. I had started making autistic friends and was starting to get to know my autistic needs. However, I was still experiencing a lot of self doubt around identifying as Autistic. It felt so clear to me that I was autistic but I would also sometimes experience self doubt and wonder if I had made a mistake.
I originally made the decision to pursue a medical diagnosis because I was struggling. When I made my first call to inquire about the process of getting an autism diagnosis it felt like I was hip deep in the quicksand of autistic burnout. I was overwhelmed, desperate to not be in autistic burnout and my mental health wasn’t doing well. I mistakenly thought that an official diagnosis would be a supportive step for me. While I am grateful that I both received my autism diagnosis and that my psychologist was knowledgable about diagnosing Autistic adults, it also felt kind of traumatic. The assessment didn’t feel trauma informed2 and I can’t say that I learned anything about myself as an Autistic person that I didn’t already know. I also wasn’t prepared for the full force of my post diagnosis grief, depression and internalized ableism to hit me after receiving my diagnosis.
Receiving official confirmation that I was Autistic felt so tender even though I didn’t have the words to explain why. Why was it such a big deal when I had been self diagnosing for months and months? Looking back what I needed was for the people closest to me to acknowledge that a later in life diagnosis was exciting but that it also made so much sense for it to bring up grief, anger and sadness. If I could go back and re-do my assessment I would have prepared myself with so much sweetness, kindness and care. Taken weeks off to carefully tend to the post diagnosis grief and surround myself with autistic friends and loved one who got it without me having to explain what it felt like to receive a later in life diagnosis. I would have surrounded myself with the softest stuffed animals, had nourishing foods in the fridge and told my loved ones exactly the type of support that I needed.
Celebrating three years of autistic care & devotion.
I’m celebrating three years of showing up for my autistic self with so much care and devotion. Of tending to my autistic wellness, joy and pleasure. Of both my autistic boundaries and all the autistic goodness that I’ve welcomed in. Of all the ways I’ve tended to my autistic self again and again. I’m celebrating:
Going from an “I think I’m Autistic” overwhelmed 35 year old to an “I am so devoted to my autistic self and needs” 38 year old.
Of recovering from autistic burnout but also learning how to show up for my autistic burnout with a lot of care and support.
Crafting a business that’s both queer and autistic. Of getting to work with so many late diagnosed autistic adults in my private coaching practice.
Feeling so cozy in my autistic identify and still continuing to learn more about myself, my autistic needs and neurodivergence.
Living in the middle of the woods in my sweet Autistic Sanctuary house.
Getting to know my internalized ableism and approaching it with a lot of compassion and rewriting beliefs and stories that are rooted in ableism.
Feeling comfortable and confident identifying my autistic needs and advocating for them.
If I could write a letter to my newly diagnosed autistic self three years ago I would tell her:
That this diagnosis can feel exciting and hard, that it can bring a big relief of “my life makes so much sense now” and a deep grief and sadness. All of these emotions get to exist.
I love you. Your autistic needs are beloved, your autistic boundaries are gorgeous, the way you take small doable steps in advocating for your needs is so powerful.
That life might feel really hard right now but that someday in the future you’re going to be writing a newsletter about your three year autism anniversary while living in your autistic sanctuary house in the middle of the woods.
Can you honor the bigness of this later in life diagnosis by being even more gentle with yourself?
Making autistic friends is going to feel so healing for you.
I’m so glad you’re here.
If you realized that your neurodivergent later in life I’m curious: what words of wisdom would you have wanted to share with your newly diagnosed/identified self?
Current paid and free offers:
As a twice certified coach I work with queer and Autistic clients in my 5 month program The Autistic Mentorship (for late diagnosed/identified adults) and my 3 session Intro Coaching Package. If you’re seeking a beautiful blend of autistic coaching and somatic trauma resolution with a queer and autistic lens-working together might be a great fit! Send in a coaching application or reach out via email. You can find testimonials & more info on the above links :)
You can buy my fillable workbooks The Autistic Dating Guide and The Autistic Burnout Recovery Guide.
The Queer Autistic Library is a small collection of free resources on my website: including resources like My Autistic Shutdown and Meltdown Recovery Plan, Autistic Communication Cards and The Autistic Resource Guide.
Thank you for being here, I appreciate you.
Please feel free to share any reflections, shares or questions in the comments. It brings me a lot of joy to connect with you in the comments. If you share, repost or like this newsletter-thank you! That brings a smile to my face and helps support my work.
I am wishing you a restful and supportive Sunday! I hope you eat something delicious and get to do something that gives you joy.
Warmly,
I am a big believer in celebrations and cake! My first year after coming out as a lesbian I hosted an I am Queer Enough cake giveaway on my business IG account and gifted a lovely person a cake to celebrate their queerness! But my big advice on celebrating is to ask for what you want. What would make you feel celebrated? Is it to eat cake and binge watch the three Lord of the Rings movies? Would you like to receive presents? Would it feel good for friends to send you Happy Anniversary texts? Advocate for your celebration needs! Also: if a friend/loved one is having an important celebration coming up make sure to ask them what would make them feel really celebrated.
One thing I’ve learned as a trauma resolution practitioner is that I have incredibly high standards for receiving care and that care that isn’t so trauma informed feels so jarring to my system.
I think the words of wisdom I'd have given myself as a late-diagnosed autistic person (diagnosed at 28, I'm now 32) is to be prepared for people that aren't going to get it or being willing or able to fit into life around my newly understood needs, and that's okay! There are going to be so many more beautiful, deeper, and healthier relationships that will come from understanding yourself and your needs better. This is actually something I still really need to hear 4 years post diagnosis! I moved to a new city years ago, and I still feel very much in the process of making new friends/a new community. This can be really hard when I feel like I really want more friends, but I also need a lot of decompression time around socializing!
Also queer and also autistic! Got my diagnosis when I was 60, almost nine years ago. It is worth celebrating 🎉!