I think the words of wisdom I'd have given myself as a late-diagnosed autistic person (diagnosed at 28, I'm now 32) is to be prepared for people that aren't going to get it or being willing or able to fit into life around my newly understood needs, and that's okay! There are going to be so many more beautiful, deeper, and healthier relationships that will come from understanding yourself and your needs better. This is actually something I still really need to hear 4 years post diagnosis! I moved to a new city years ago, and I still feel very much in the process of making new friends/a new community. This can be really hard when I feel like I really want more friends, but I also need a lot of decompression time around socializing!
Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom! I also relate to being very much in the process of making new friends/a community-making friends has always felt so challenging to me! I think getting diagnosed validated the specific reasons why making friends feels tricky. I hope you find a wonderful community of friends in your new city :)
Reading this brought up some difficult emotions. I am about 7 months into my self discovery/realization. I have, naturally, completed every ASD questionnaire, I've found many support groups - online and in person and many other resources that I'm still checking out and trying to see where I feel most comfortable. As if that grief hasn't been enough, my 2 cats of 17 yrs passed 1.5 weeks apart. Things are either declinjng in some areas and being healed in other ways. But it's confusing. Because I am stuck big time in self hatred. Deep, untouchable self hatred..I've never been able to find relief or anything different
This has been making it soo difficult - I literally do not like myself enough or at all, to consider making the necessary changes (which is every area of life) I did a great job at pre-messing it up. I have so much to say. But no where to say it. No one to listen in its entirety. I see so many other late diagnosed autistic women sharing how they were able to let go of all those lies and be able to extend kindness and compassion to themselves. I haven't been able to do that yet. So I feel even more like a failure because I can't even let go of the internalized ableism which is run deep too.
I've been doing small acts of self kindness here and there, when I remember, when it seems reasonable to do and that I won't feel like a failure. Because that immedicately brings me down due to the high number of times I've not succeeed in the thing I wanted or needed. Anyways when my cats died, not one person checked in with me, stopped by, ask me if I needed or wanted anything. I had to turn to online pet loss groups which do provide that compassion and understanding but they are online only. And no locals that I know of. Anyways again life is hard I'm in the thick of it. Okay you said that you wanted to hear from your readers so there you be :) I am new to your content :) thank you
Hi Krista, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. I really hear how hard the combined grief of realizing that you're autistic later in life and the grief of your two beloved cats passing is. I want to start off just by saying that I'm so sorry for your loss.
I also resonate with your shares and I'm sure other late identified Autistics/AuDHDers will too. Your shares really made me remember how hard it was to be newly identified/diagnosed. The combination of incredible overwhelm and internalized ableism and/or shame is honestly so much. Which is why if possible I highly suggest working with an autistic affirming therapist or coach (if you're not already), because you really deserve support. It sounds like you're exploring support groups too which is also a great option :)
I also want to name that every autistic person is different and has their own healing timeline. I really hear that it feels so hard when you see other late diagnosed autistic women unmask-and then shame comes up because it's hard for you to unpack your internalized ableism. I really want to share that how you feel makes SO much sense AND it really does take time to unpack internalized ableism and shame. I'm curious if it would feel supportive to validate that your own timing makes so much sense based on your unique history and circumstances? Not to bypass the difficulty but to acknowledge that your own timing likely makes a lot of sense.
This is getting long BUT I want to end by celebrating the small acts of kindness you're doing. It sounds to me like you're taking small doable steps in being kind and compassionate towards yourself and that is so amazing.
Your kind and validating words feel really nice. Thank you. It means the most to be acknowledged and considered in that way.
I really also thank you for the suggestion about switching from focus on validating difficulty to focus on validating the time I need or am needing. That's what you mean right? I had not considered that and it seems it would be reasonable to try. :)
You are very welcome! I'm so glad to hear that it felt supportive to be acknowledged and validated.
So I think it can be helpful to validate both the difficulty so for example: "Wow, it makes so much sense that X feels really painful/difficult/hard" while also validating your own healing timeline. So that could look like naming "based on my history/circumstances/context it makes so much sense that I need more time to unpack my internalized ableism."(as an example) Ultimately it's about validating that your experiences, timing and emotions make so much sense. As well as trusting your own unique healing timeline. I hope that makes sense! Please feel free to ask any follow up questions :)
It would be nice to work with a coach but it's a bit lower on my priority because I have some complicated health needs right now. And i don't think I can afford what would be the best option. But I do enjoy watching YouTube content, I'm on there all day every day. And it's really helpful to have that reframe!
What topics are your favourite to make content about? If you have some
I'm so glad that watching YouTube content has been so supportive. Yes, sometimes we need to prioritize what type of support is most needed-that makes a lot of sense to me. In terms of my favorite topics to write about/make content I think it really depends! I feel like I fluctuate between autistic content, queer content and healing trauma comment!
I think the words of wisdom I'd have given myself as a late-diagnosed autistic person (diagnosed at 28, I'm now 32) is to be prepared for people that aren't going to get it or being willing or able to fit into life around my newly understood needs, and that's okay! There are going to be so many more beautiful, deeper, and healthier relationships that will come from understanding yourself and your needs better. This is actually something I still really need to hear 4 years post diagnosis! I moved to a new city years ago, and I still feel very much in the process of making new friends/a new community. This can be really hard when I feel like I really want more friends, but I also need a lot of decompression time around socializing!
Thank you for sharing these words of wisdom! I also relate to being very much in the process of making new friends/a community-making friends has always felt so challenging to me! I think getting diagnosed validated the specific reasons why making friends feels tricky. I hope you find a wonderful community of friends in your new city :)
Thank you!!! Working on trying to build a community while being unmasked- not the easiest, but hopefully getting better at it!
Also queer and also autistic! Got my diagnosis when I was 60, almost nine years ago. It is worth celebrating 🎉!
Ohhh yeah!!! I always love meeting (even if it's online) other queer autistics! I'm celebrating your later in life diagnosis!
Oh and congratulations on being here, I'm so rude for not saying that!
Thank you so much! Also not rude at all for not saying that before :)
Reading this brought up some difficult emotions. I am about 7 months into my self discovery/realization. I have, naturally, completed every ASD questionnaire, I've found many support groups - online and in person and many other resources that I'm still checking out and trying to see where I feel most comfortable. As if that grief hasn't been enough, my 2 cats of 17 yrs passed 1.5 weeks apart. Things are either declinjng in some areas and being healed in other ways. But it's confusing. Because I am stuck big time in self hatred. Deep, untouchable self hatred..I've never been able to find relief or anything different
This has been making it soo difficult - I literally do not like myself enough or at all, to consider making the necessary changes (which is every area of life) I did a great job at pre-messing it up. I have so much to say. But no where to say it. No one to listen in its entirety. I see so many other late diagnosed autistic women sharing how they were able to let go of all those lies and be able to extend kindness and compassion to themselves. I haven't been able to do that yet. So I feel even more like a failure because I can't even let go of the internalized ableism which is run deep too.
I've been doing small acts of self kindness here and there, when I remember, when it seems reasonable to do and that I won't feel like a failure. Because that immedicately brings me down due to the high number of times I've not succeeed in the thing I wanted or needed. Anyways when my cats died, not one person checked in with me, stopped by, ask me if I needed or wanted anything. I had to turn to online pet loss groups which do provide that compassion and understanding but they are online only. And no locals that I know of. Anyways again life is hard I'm in the thick of it. Okay you said that you wanted to hear from your readers so there you be :) I am new to your content :) thank you
Hi Krista, thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. I really hear how hard the combined grief of realizing that you're autistic later in life and the grief of your two beloved cats passing is. I want to start off just by saying that I'm so sorry for your loss.
I also resonate with your shares and I'm sure other late identified Autistics/AuDHDers will too. Your shares really made me remember how hard it was to be newly identified/diagnosed. The combination of incredible overwhelm and internalized ableism and/or shame is honestly so much. Which is why if possible I highly suggest working with an autistic affirming therapist or coach (if you're not already), because you really deserve support. It sounds like you're exploring support groups too which is also a great option :)
I also want to name that every autistic person is different and has their own healing timeline. I really hear that it feels so hard when you see other late diagnosed autistic women unmask-and then shame comes up because it's hard for you to unpack your internalized ableism. I really want to share that how you feel makes SO much sense AND it really does take time to unpack internalized ableism and shame. I'm curious if it would feel supportive to validate that your own timing makes so much sense based on your unique history and circumstances? Not to bypass the difficulty but to acknowledge that your own timing likely makes a lot of sense.
This is getting long BUT I want to end by celebrating the small acts of kindness you're doing. It sounds to me like you're taking small doable steps in being kind and compassionate towards yourself and that is so amazing.
Your kind and validating words feel really nice. Thank you. It means the most to be acknowledged and considered in that way.
I really also thank you for the suggestion about switching from focus on validating difficulty to focus on validating the time I need or am needing. That's what you mean right? I had not considered that and it seems it would be reasonable to try. :)
You are very welcome! I'm so glad to hear that it felt supportive to be acknowledged and validated.
So I think it can be helpful to validate both the difficulty so for example: "Wow, it makes so much sense that X feels really painful/difficult/hard" while also validating your own healing timeline. So that could look like naming "based on my history/circumstances/context it makes so much sense that I need more time to unpack my internalized ableism."(as an example) Ultimately it's about validating that your experiences, timing and emotions make so much sense. As well as trusting your own unique healing timeline. I hope that makes sense! Please feel free to ask any follow up questions :)
Oh, right. I see what you mean now :)
It would be nice to work with a coach but it's a bit lower on my priority because I have some complicated health needs right now. And i don't think I can afford what would be the best option. But I do enjoy watching YouTube content, I'm on there all day every day. And it's really helpful to have that reframe!
What topics are your favourite to make content about? If you have some
I'm glad the reframe was helpful!
I'm so glad that watching YouTube content has been so supportive. Yes, sometimes we need to prioritize what type of support is most needed-that makes a lot of sense to me. In terms of my favorite topics to write about/make content I think it really depends! I feel like I fluctuate between autistic content, queer content and healing trauma comment!