Queer care, Lord of the Rings & hope.

Post election blues & the magic of special interests.

The post election blues

I’m sitting down and waiting for my bangs to get trimmed when my hairstylist asks me “so how are you doing?” I pause and briefly consider saying the typical “I’m fine, thank you and you?” thing but the reality is that I’m not actually fine. So I meet my hairstylists eyes and just name the truth: “I’ve actually been struggling post election.” There’s instant understanding and for the rest of my appointment we’re just two gay people sharing our feelings of yet another Trump presidency. I share with him that I’ve been connecting to queer wisdom and history to help support both my anxiety and fears post election.

There’s been something deeply soothing and resourcing about talking to other LGBTQIA+ people about the election. Sometimes it’s just feeling deeply seen in my fears, while other times it’s me and a friend sharing resources or a queer elder telling me “Tiffany, we’re going to be okay.” The truth is that I didn't know how much I needed to hear those words until they were spoken to me. I felt myself pause as the words landed in my body:

We’re going to be okay.

We’re going to be okay.

We’re going to be okay.

To me hearing “we’re going to be okay” doesn’t erase the very real fears and concerns that myself and others have, or mean that I’m not keeping up to date on news or exploring specific things I want to do to support myself and others as a queer autistic person (and business owner.) To me “we’re going to be okay” feels connected to the local events and support that my queer community is putting together, to all the articles sharing support and tips with LGBTQIA+ folks on what to do next, of connecting to the power of resistance from queer history. To me “we’re going to be okay” is about trusting in the power of community, queer resistance and hope.

The reality is that as an AuDHDer I do experience delayed processing after stressful events. Which means that for me it took some time for the full impact of the election to really settle in my body-and time for my anxiety to throw a little election induced anxiety party. So these past weeks I’ve been turning to the things that I know support me in challenging times-like therapy, chatting with friends, moving my body, taking walks in nature. But like the autistic that I am, I’ve also been turning to my special interests.

The magic of special interests.

It was a week or so after the election when I said to myself “you know what would be really supportive right now? Watching the Lord of the Rings again.” In case you’re not a close personal friend of mine, the Lord of the Rings is a new special interest of mine. I started watching (and then re-watching) the movies starting this summer and I can feel the special interest growing at a rhythm that is quite fun and exciting. For me that’s looked a lot like re-watching the movies, reading the books and spending a lot of time googling very specific Lord of the Rings questions. There are many reasons why I love the Lord of the Rings (movies & books) but what I find deeply moving are the themes of friendship, honor, courage, love, hope and more. In hard moments I especially find the values of the trilogy comforting, inspiring and grounding. Sometimes the kindest care I can give myself during hard times is to the revisit moments from the Lord of the Rings and to feel different layers of presence, hope and support in my body.

Photo by Mike Swigunski on Unsplash

The truth is that special interests are incredibly resourcing and supportive for Autistics and can be an important part of our self care and wellness. Connecting to my special interests is soothing, grounding and gives me energy. You might find that sometimes you have limited spoons (or energy) but that spending time with your special interests actually gives you more energy or helps you recover from challenging experiences. While there are many tools and tips for autistic wellness, I do believe that spending time with our special interests (on both good and challenging days) is a vital part of our wellbeing and happiness. In challenging and stressful times our joy and pleasure are still deeply important. Something I like to ask myself is “even with this pain, can I also notice what feels good?” So even as I struggled the two weeks post election I could notice things that felt good, steady or soothing. Perhaps that was a phone call with a friend, that pleasure of sliding into my bed with freshly washed sheets, the regular visits of the deer in my yard, the sheer delight in discovering this Lord of the Rings rap and yummy hearty soups.

It’s okay to not be okay.

There’s a part of me that sometimes hesitates to publicly share when I’ve been struggling, perhaps because part of my job does involve marketing my coaching services. But one of my core beliefs is that it’s okay to not be okay. I’m an AuDHDer with anxiety and sometimes life is hard-and that’s okay. When I’m going through a rough patch I like to validate that how I feel actually makes so much sense and to identify 1-3 doable steps I can take to support myself. What would be kind to myself in this moment? What’s the care that I need? As I write this newsletter I feel good, steady, content and excited to currently have a Pecan Pie in my fridge¹. I’m not into toxic positivity or the“everything happens for a reason” type of thinking but I do think there is power and beauty in exploring how to care for ourselves in challenging moments. How beautiful to get to know the different types of care we need- such as the ways in which we tend to ourselves, how we advocate for our needs and outside support we turn to.

My goal is to experience as much joy and delight as my cats do when they get to sunbathe in the mornings.

New writings & guides.

I’ve excited to share with you some recent blog posts and a new free workbook that I’ve created.

Nuerodivergent Pacing Systems is an in-depth look at different pacing systems such as spoon theory applied to neurodivergence, fork theory and the traffic light system.

Is Autistic Burnout Recovery Possible? is an adapted version of a Substack post I wrote here with a new conclusion-and some graphics.

The Queer Autistic Holiday Survival Guide is a blog post to support you during this holiday season. This is a great resource that goes over identifying the cost of holiday events, how to support yourself during holiday gatherings and how to design your own post holiday recovery plan.

The new updated Unmasking in Your Sexuality & Pleasure workbook. This is a free 15 page fillable workbook with tips and worksheets to support you in your own unmasking in your sexuality & pleasure journey.

Thank you for being here.

Sometimes it amazes me that there are so many of you who have decided to subscribe and read my words. I truly appreciate every person who reads my words and I’m also grateful to connect in the comments. Whether you celebrate Thanksgiving (or what I call Pie Day) or not, I hope you eat lots of nourishing and delicious food in the coming days and get to do things that fill you with joy.

Big queer autistic love,

Tiffany

Let’s stay connected:

⭐The Autistic Mentorship Learn more about the private coaching program I offer for late identified Autistic and AuDHDer adults. Autistic life coaching + somatic coaching + neurodivergent education. Sliding fee scale pricing model.

⭐The Autistic Library Browse and download free autistic workbooks & resources.

⭐The Queer Autistic Blog Read blog posts on neurodivergence, queerness and trauma healing.

1. I celebrate Thanksgiving basically because I LOVE PECAN PIE SO MUCH. I lived for years and years in Spain without eating Pecan Pie and since moving back to the States I can say without a doubt that I love Pecan Pie season (aka winter holidays.)